


Ho Ho Homestuck

by gallantCreator



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Post-Game, Shit lets be santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 04:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13138827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallantCreator/pseuds/gallantCreator
Summary: Several small stories based on Christmas fluff! "Teen and up" just because of some swearing, references to sex...nothing too bad, but better safe than sorry!





	Ho Ho Homestuck

1\. Remembering  
John and Roxy touched down, carrying the young green girl between them. The snow was still untouched, even in front of the door.  
“I feel like we're early...” Roxy hmmed, letting Calliope down gently.  
“Your brother...son? Dave is a time-traveler. How did we possibly get here before him?”  
The door swing open, sending a wave of fresh snow across the pant legs of the trio.  
“Hello! Rose Said You'd Be Arriving Soon!” Kanaya smiled wide, wearing the absolutely most god-awful sweater any of them had seen. “Do You Like My Sweater?” Her eye twitched as she tugged at it, “Or Does Its' Gaudy Color Scheme Offend You? Perhaps The Crudely Drawn Cat Offends You?”  
“I...it's nice!” John stammed. Kanaya shot him a dirty look.  
“Yes. Well. Come Inside. Rose Is In The Kitchen. Her Shift Just Started.”  
“Shift? What do-”  
Calliope pushed past and situated herself in front of the fire.  
“Yes. We Are Taking Turns, So Neither Misses Their Friends Or Family Today. I Was Up Much Of The Night...Um...Assisting Santa With Presents.”  
John and Roxy smiled, and entered. Their pants revealed their nature as the snow faded away.  
“Heh, sorry, I think Roxy's boots are mundane.”  
“Yo, a girls gotta have a favorite, right?” She snickered and peeled them off, hovering in the air and dropping them on a nearby rubber mat.

“Is...She Alright? She Hasn't Said A Word Since She Arrived.”  
“Oh, yeah, Callie does this on 'Family' holidays...she...likes to sit in front of the fire and-”  
“I'm remembering my brother.” Her voice came suddenly, Roxy blinking a bit.  
“Oh...Despite...All He's Done, She Still Loves Him?”  
Calliope shook her head.  
“No. I hate him. I hate everything he's done and I am glad he's gone. I am remembering the horrible things he has done, the families he tore apart, and lives he's ended. Countless ghosts, worlds, and bubbles destroyed because of him. His influence. So I watch the flames...and I remember all the people who cannot enjoy these holidays...”  
Kanaya smiled solemnly, “I Am Sorry For Assuming.”  
“It's okay,” Calliope turned, smiling wide, “I am flattered you think I have THAT much forgiveness.”  
There was a sudden knock at the door, capped off with angry arguments.  
“Oh, That...Is Probably Karkat And His Matesprits.” Kanaya approached the door, taken aback by a rather loud “FUCKASS”.  
“Yes. Definitely Them...”  
Calliope stood up and plopped herself down beside Roxy, smiling over at John.  
“It is an Anniversary for us, John!”  
“Hm? Oh, yeah! Two years already!”

2\. Years in the past, but not many...  
“Calliope, we're opening presents! C'mon downstairs!” No response.  
Roxy put a hand on John's shoulder as it sunk.  
“It's not personally, baby, you know that. We all kinda...got hit by that 'Ultimate Self' garbage pretty hard.”  
John nodded slowly.  
“And you know...the only common theme...” Roxy lowered her voice, “When I moved in I-”  
John kissed her forehead, “I know...don't rush her.”  
John took a seat at the kitchen table, munching on a cookie. He heard the shuffling of slippers into the room.  
“Hey!”  
She froze.  
“It's okay! C'mon, pull up a chair.”  
She didn't budge.  
“I like your slippers.”  
She looked down at her feet, and shuffled to the chair wordlessly.  
“I'm...”  
“It's okay,” She spoke quickly and clearly.  
“No, no, I'm...sorry if I make you feel unwelcome or scared.”  
She blinked.  
“You don't...you don't have to talk to me,” John bit his tongue. That sounded bitter, “I'm sorry I make it weird by being so...sad. You're entitled to your space.”  
She slipped a cookie off the plate and bit into it, crunching it quietly, trying to be small and quiet.  
“You're welcome to the whole house.”  
“I'm okay,” Again, clear and soft.  
“No no, I mean...whenever you want. Whether we're home or not. It's your house, too!”  
She fidgeted in her seat, eyes welling with tears.  
“I'm sorry.”  
John looked like he had been shot, “Wh...why?”  
The tears came freely, “I'm sorry for being such a brat.”  
He didn't know how to respond.  
“I'm sorry for coming into your home and being disrespectful and...and...” She balled her hands into a fist, sobbing more freely.  
“Callie! It's okay, I promise! You're not being disrespectful or rude, you've gone through a lot!”  
She sniffled, and took another bite of cookie, calming down slightly.  
“Can...can I talk to you...about my story?” She didn't look up. John nodded, as Calliope began talking about Complacency of the Learned...

As dawn broke, and sunlight peaked in, John snorted awake on the couch, to the sound of Calliope coming down stairs.  
“Oh! I-I'm sorry!” She shuffled around a bit, “Roxy he's sle-”  
“No no, I just nodded off, it's okay!”  
She walked gingerly down stairs, Roxy taking her seat beside John and smiling. Calliope sat beside the tree, rummaging for gifts. She placed the boxes and gifts in small neat piles, each persons rationed out. Calliope was “elected” to start, picking a present from John, and tearing the paper away gleefully. Her gasp practically echoed.  
“Peridot Slippers!! Roxy! Roxy look what John got me! She's like me! She's...she's green and small and...” Calliope's cheeks flushed up green as she sprang up, hugging John tight without thinking.

3\. Shit, Let's be Santa

Dave came down the stairs, covered in soot, his God Tier outfit working overtime to clean it off.  
“Jegus, Dave, you said you wanted it to be authentic! And yet you spend all night yelling at me like I'm doing something wrong!”  
Dave stopped and pivoted, “Because shrinking me and throwing me down the chimney is not 'authentic. I mean teleport me INSIDE, Jade.”  
She rolled her eyes, and put her hands on her hips, “Oh come on, you know I can't remote teleport people. Besides, you didn't die!”  
“I died several times, Jade. We're just lucky there's not enough Santa lore to consider if Heroic dying bring presents to kids.”  
“Oh, pfft, but you revived just fine.”  
“Look can we just stop fighting before we wake...”  
“DAVE YOU STOMPED DOWN THE STAIRS LIKE YOU WERE TRYING TO PUT OUT A FIRE, IF I WASN'T WIDE AWAKE I'D BE PISSED,” The surprisingly chipper shout came from the couch.  
“You're always pissed, Karkat.”

“HOW WAS PLAYING SANTA?”  
“Eh, alright, I guess. Even with Santa's Big-ass Helper.”  
“You should join us next year!” Jade added enthusiastically, elbowing Dave in the ribs.  
“OH, YEAH, AND FREEZE MY SHAME GLOBES OFF WHILE YOU TWO BICKER ABOUT THE PEST WAY TO SQUAT OUT A YULE LOG IN SOME POOR KIDS STOCKING OR WHATEVER.”  
“Haha gross.”  
“Oh, c'mon Karkat! You know Dave keeps time slow enough to visit all the houses!  
“DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT COLDER THAN VRIKSA'S PUMP BISCUIT.”  
“I still dunno if that's literal or...”  
“Dave, hush, we're gonna be late to Rose's party! I just realized the time.”  
“That's impossible, it starts at 10 and I kept time at a crawl all night!”  
“DID YOU ACCOUNT FOR FLYING BACK AT NORMAL TIME?”  
“Shit.”  
“Shit!” The two Gods simultaneously cussed.  
“What time is it? Are we still late?” The girl loomed over Karkat as he tugged out his phone.  
“I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GONNA BE-”  
There was a green flash. Dave scrambled to change his red cloak and outfit into something more appropriate for the gathering, as Jade donned a nice dress.  
Karkat, clad in his normal gray pants and sweater, began shivering as he fell into the snow.  
“HARLEY, WARN A TROLL BEFORE YOU DROP HIM SPINAL CREVICE FIRST INTO A FRIGID PILE OF WHITE BULLSHIT.”  
“It's called snow, dude.”  
“I KNOW WHAT IT IS STRIDER, YOU FUCKASS!”  
The door swung up, and Dave snickered at Kanaya's awful sweater.

4\. Hope for the Holidays  
“You boys ready? Ride's waiting outside!” Jane carried her stack of presents with ease, even as the Carapacian nervously clawed at the tower of gifts and treats, “Will you...I can carry my own presents! Bad enough you insisted on driving me today...” Jane grumbled, uneasy enough at the prospect of making someone work Gristmas.  
“Yeah we're almost dressed.” Dirk's voice was slightly muffled.  
“Oh I swear if you boys are pawing at each other, than I'm gonna say see you two later and get to Rosie's party!”  
A muffled yelp and scrambling, as heavy footsteps came to the door. It creaked open slightly, Jake peeking out.  
“I promise you, Jane, we weren't having a roll in the hay! Page's honor! We were just enjoying the warmth of the bed.”  
Jane would have crossed her arms had one been free, “Uh-huh.”  
“I'll get him dressed lickity-split!”  
“You're welcome to lickity-split someth-”  
“Dirk she is at the DOOR!”  
Another set of hurried footsteps and a Green skull t-shirt clad Strider peaked out from behind the wall that was Jake Engish.  
“Oh, hey, Jane. We'll be out shortly.”  
The door closed, and the two scurried off, mumbling and swearing.  
“I swear those two are like teenagers on Prom night.”  
The Carapacian shrugged, confused.  
“I mean they're pawing at each others naughty bits like they're going to war!”  
Another blank stare.  
“Sex. They have lots of sex.”  
The Carapacian didn't respond.  
“Oh fer cryin' out...Nevermind.”

Jake tugged on his Page Pants, shifting them quickly into something nicer. Dirk did the same with his Poofy Asshole Shorts, eying the headware contemplatively.  
“Do you really need the crown, Dirk? Honestly it's just gaudy.”  
“How will people know I'm the Prince of Cheer.”  
“...wouldn't that mean you DESTROY cheer?”  
Dirk stared stone-faced, “I know very well what it means, Jake.”  
He did his best to stifle a laugh. Dirk had made great strides in allowing himself to be less robotic, and more sudden. It gave the Page an even greater amount of hope than he already possessed to watch him grow. Others had forgiven him, but it was only recently Dirk had forgiven himself for the abuse he put others through.  
“Okay, you can bring the crown on ONE condition.”  
“No pistols at the dinner table, Jake.”  
“No crown.”  
There was a loud knock at the door.  
“...Alright fine I'll leave the crown, but only because if I argue Jane's gonna leave us.”

5\. Snow8lind  
“Uggggggggh why did Lalonde have to schedule her damn Gristmas rumpus jamboree bullshit so early in the morniiiiiiiing,” Vriska grumbled and rolled out of bed, flopping onto the floor. Her roommate sniffed, and jabbed her with a foot.  
“It's not that early,” Terezi shot back, “It's almost 9:30. I've been up and dressed for hours.”  
“You just wanna see your booooooooyfriend!” She cackled, “Admit it, you haven't seen him in so long and you miss him,” Vriska stopped and thought to herself, “Wait, shit, you haven't seen him EVER, huh????????”  
“Oh shut up he's YOUR ex. Sort of.”  
Terezi turned bright teal in her cheeks, as Vriska smirked up at her, “Lemme go feed the clown and then we can go see your hatemate. And you can smooooooooch him and bite his cheeeeeeeek and do all that gross kismesis stuff you love so much.”  
A distant honk was heard from the basement.  
“YES, I KNOW IT'S BREAKFAST, DUNKASS.”  
Vriska sighed, and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl. Like some sort of damned heathen, she poured the milk in first, followed by the cereal, glancing nervously over her shoulder. She told Terezi it was just a joke. But it was all lies. She couldn't face the true shame. After mixing the shitty oat bran around, she opened the cellar to another honk.  
“You'd better not be gnawing at your chains or I'll beat you with that stupid stuffed bulge of yours.  
A defeated honk. She walked down the steps and slid the bowl over to the Troll.  
“Yo, Vriska, since it's, like...Motherfuckin' Gristmas...”  
“No you aren't coming with us. LAST time we let you upstairs you bit Terezi. You LITERALLY bit the hand that feeds you, Gamzee.”  
“Yeah but...isn't this motherfuckin' cruel and unusual?”  
“You worshipped some shitty amalgamation of my crush, a Cherub, and Strider's weird brother's weirder glasses. And you. You were part of that mess, too, if I remember.”  
“Yeah b-”  
“No, Gamzee.”

Terezi leaned back on the couch, doing her best to ignore the sad honks. Was Vriska doing this all on her behalf? Sweet as it was, part of her felt like this was too far...as much as John had told her what he did to her...it wasn't HER. No more than the one who dated Vriska was him. Still, she felt the grudge all the same. SOME variation of her had suffered through his abuse. Her phone buzzed. It was that dork of a kismesis.  
“Hey! Everyone's just about here, did you forget?” The blue text reminded her of blueberries. Blueberry waffles, especially. She smirked.  
“Almost. No one IMPORTANT is there. Just you, really.”  
“What about Kanaya?”  
“You got me there, Egderp. Once Vriska's done feeding the Clown, we're gonna be over there and I can give you Gristmas Noogies!” She sent her weird little wink, giggling to herself.  
“Ugh, that is soooooooo played out, Tz. But careful you don't knock me out with your armpit funk! Haha, see you soon, I hope! Make sure Vriska flies safe, it's cold!”  
Terezi snickered. He was really bad at this Kismesis thing sometimes.  
“I'm not some thin-skinned human, but thanks.”  
She smiled and rested the phone on her chest.  
“Oh, gross, was that your booooooooyfrieeeeeeeend? Were you guys sending smoooooooochy-faces?”  
“No! Gross!”  
The giant spade filled the screen. The animated picture faded in a picture of her licking him as he flailed. Finally, the words “MERRY GRISTMAS, TO MY FAVORITE IDIOT”. Terezi felt her eyes well up with teal tears.  
“Oh my GOG will you two just hatefuck already?”  
“What do you think my Gristmas present is?” Terezi snickered and shot Vriska a sinister smile.  
“GROSS!!!!!!!!”

 

6\. Peace  
Kanaya placed the last ornament onto the tree, smiling at the order. Rose sipped her hot cocoa and leaned into her wife's embrace.  
“A bit mathematical, but nice,” Rose commented.  
Kanaya froze, turning to her partner, “How So?”  
“Well, My mother and I always just kind of...put them wherever. No measurements, no rhyme or reason.”  
“Rose, All Do Respect, Your Mother Had A Severe Chemical Dependency.”  
“Drinking problem, Kanaya. My mother was an alcoholic, not a meth head.”  
“Yes. She Wasn't Always In Her Best State Of Mind.”  
Rose frowned a bit, and looked down.  
“Yes, I suppose...”  
“I'm Sorry,” Kanaya immediately regretted her choice of words, but Rose leaned up to kiss her cheek.  
“Don't apologize, I know you didn't mean it like that,” Rose smiled, and nodded at the tree, “It does look nice. The decorations, that is.”  
“I Have Never Celebrated Twelfth Perigee's Eve Or Day In Such A...Festive Way.”  
“Ooh, I love it, personally,” Rose smiled, taking a seat on the couch, as Kanaya followed, “I absolutely adore Christmas. It...clashes with my image, sure. But the snow, the cool weather, the ice skating, the colors and lights. It's all so magical. Nothing quite compares! Well, I suppose Gristmas.”  
Kanaya wrapped an arm around Rose and smiled. “To Think, It Is Our Third Gristmas Together.”  
Rose smiled, “Are you prepared for tomorrow? It's going to be crazy. Everyone will be showing up early, tracking mud around the house, seeing you in that adorable Christmas sweater.”  
Kanaya's eye twitched. She hoped Rose had forgotten.  
“Yes. The Sweater. Of Course.”  
“You promised,” Rose said in that sing-song voice of hers, grinning wickedly at her wife.  
“Yes, I Suppose I Did...”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a picture of the sweater Kanaya is wearing. Look how awful it is!
> 
> https://theuglysweatershop.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Electrocuted-Kitty-LED-Light-Up-Cat-Lady-Ugly-Christmas-Sweater.jpg


End file.
